When you make a serious mistake, you can do one of three things. You can beat yourself up for hours about the mishap and make yourself feel even more shitty. You can take no accountability and act like you didn’t do anything and blame everyone else. Or you can give a sincere apology to all of those affected, learn from the error, and try to see the positives in the situation. I bet there’s one man, in particular, that is weighing these options right now heavily. Brian Cullinan, the PricewaterhouseCoopers accountant, made one of the hugest mistakes on national live television by handing veteran actor Warren Beatty the wrong envelope for the Best Picture of the Year award at this year’s Academy Awards. Yikes! Well, I’d like to do my part in finding the positive in this situation so Brian, although you majorly fucked up a grand moment for one of my favorite films of the year, Moonlight, I am going to give you the benefit of the doubt and help you out with finding some perspective in this crazy situation by stating 5 more fucked up things you could’ve done.
1) You could’ve falsely stated the winning numbers of an 1 trillion dollar lottery. Imagine how many angry people you would’ve had to face with that gaffe.
2) You could’ve accidentally sent acceptance letters to over 10,000 anxious high school graduates who thought they were going to Yale University but the gag is…. they ain’t. You could’ve messed up the dreams of a bunch of young folks – our future but you didn’t. You didn’t, my flaky friend.
3) You could’ve handed the wrong envelope to Faith Hill and Tim McGraw that said Beyonce won Album of the Year at the GRAMMYs and have them scramble to “fix” that error to say it was really Adele who won. Just imagine the buzzing of the Bee Hive always in your ear for that one or maybe they would’ve loved you for doing that. Hmmm… either way, it would’ve been one boiling hot mess with stans and all. Oh and naturally, a race war would break out because Beyonce just seems to be the focal point of those lately.
4) You could’ve mispronounced the winning word during the national spelling bee causing the biggest controversy in spelling bee history. That may not seem as bad as this error but trust me, those parents can be scarier than any Oscar official. I used to run a local spelling bee so I know.
5) You could’ve messed up an official call at the Superbowl making the winning team, the losing one. Can you imagine the anger you would be faced by that losing team’s city!? Let’s just say there would be no grace with that one.
And furthermore, let’s look at a few positives about this situation.
1) No one died because of this. Everyone is alive and everyone handled it very well. No one blew a gasket a.k.a. no one pulled a Kanye on stage. That wouldn’t be a good look if someone from Lala Land tried that move anyway but just saying, it could’ve been a whole lot worse.
2) You got to enjoy the perks of the Oscars for a very long time and get a bunch of selfies with celebrities. A lot of people wish they were you in your shoes…. well sorta.
3) Lastly, no one will ever forget when Moonlight won becoming the first all-Black cast and the first LGBTQ-focused film ever to win Best Picture of the Year at the Oscars. One of the most touching films I’ve seen in a long time if I must say so myself.
Now that I think about it. Brian, you may have done us a huge favor here. With such a huge gaffe, someone needs to be doing a full investigation on some other previous Oscar wins, just to make sure they are all legit. I mean…I bet Denzel was supposed to be getting a few Best Actor awards for Malcolm X and Fences. Or better yet, maybe these major wins will motivate the Black entertainment world to start their own legit awards program or hell…just a celebration program… celebrating Black art created by Black artists for Black artists, ya dig?
What do you make of this whole Oscar gaffe? Do you think it was that big of a deal? Do you think it was not a mistake at all? Do you think it was actually planned out? Do you even care about this at all? Let’s chit chat about it.
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