giving the side-eye to spam - the mystery meat and the annoying ads

Oh Spam, you are one mysterious being, whether packaged in a can or packaged in an unsolicited message. I'm not exactly sure where you came from, when you arrived or why but you definitely made your presence known. Now, I won't divulge too much on your meat side of the family because I used to get along great with one of your cousins, Hot Dog so I don't have that much room to really judge that part of your lineage. However, I will say that you look just like dog food which is alarming because humans eat you. Let's just take a pause on that and let that marinate...


Okay, moving on to your other side of the family, The Internet Nuances. Now, this is the side that I can rant for days about because you definitely get your shady side from them. I hope you're okay with me being honest with you because I am about to spill the tea on why you are--as Destiny's Child put it so eloquently--a bugaboo. To be totally honest, you get on my everlasting nerve. You like random photos on Instagram; you follow me on Twitter; you send comments that make no sense; you act like we're friends when you know damn well we aren't; you send me tons of messages to the point where you get your own damn section in my inbox (I bet you love that); you call me for no reason and you text me in the middle of the work day. You are a pain in my ass and I wish you would go away.

However, you don't seem to be going anywhere. In fact, you seem to be spreading like some creepy virus that likes to spray unwanted advertisements in our faces. You are even interrupting my fun on various websites with your video ads that just rudely play over anything I am watching or listening to. You also give me false hope when I check my notifications. I think that an actual human being liked my Twitter page or sent a message on IG, only to find out that it is you yet again, disguised as a cute model from Brazil.

Ugh... Spam, you are like that bee that keeps buzzing in my ear and no matter how much I try to swap it away, that bee just keeps on buzzing. Le sigh. Thanks for letting me get that out and I hope you are totally understanding about my feelings on the whole thing. :)

Have you dealt with good ol' Spam? The meat or the unsolicited advertisement? If so, how did you cope with this strange creature? Let's talk about it!