Lately, I've been alone a lot and at first, I was feeling down about it but now, I've come to realize the magic behind it. A perfect example of this is what happened on my recent birthday weekend. It started off pretty miserable but then transformed into an life altering experience that I wouldn't change for the world, thanks to this magic -- that special kind of energy that occurs when you are alone and able to truly align with your Higher Self, God and the Angels (or however you wish to view the divine universe).
A few Fridays ago, I turned 32 years old and typically, there is an expectation that your birthday is supposed to be a fun and exciting time with family and friends. However, that is not always the case and for me, this year was almost the complete opposite of that. It was basically a normal work day minus the sweet cards from co-workers and I ended up going out to eat by myself afterward. Now, before you judge my family and friends, it really wasn't their fault. I am not the best at planning for my birthday. I'm usually last minute because I'm never quite sure what I want to do so I don't really make my birthday a big deal to my loved ones. Also, there were a few friends who offered to hang out with me but due to unforeseen circumstances on their end, I told them not to worry or stress about going out of their way to see me on such short notice and that we will meet up another time soon. I never mentioned to them my sad mood. There were a couple of reasons for this: one, I didn't want them to feel guilty because I wasn't really upset with them and two, I try not to hang out with folks when I'm in a negative state of mind. I like to handle my down times alone and figure out how to pull through so that I can be in a much better emotional state when spending quality time with my family and friends. Therefore, I was a walking contradiction - I was feeling lonely but wanted to be left alone.
Once I let out my emotions privately and had my own pity party, I was able to figure out why I was so miserable on my special day. When I was younger, I thought by the time I was 32, I would be in a much different position in life. I thought I would be in a very successful career, have a committed relationship with someone special, have traveled around the world, live completely on my own, gotten over this hurdle of feeling stuck and finally let go of my fear of failure and success. Basically, I wanted the perfect life. Who the hell has that? Ha! Life doesn't always work out as planned and in hindsight, I know that life always works with us, even during the moments where we feel like a big failure.
How do I know that? Well, there was a huge turnaround once I realized why I was so melancholy. Every time I go through a moment like this, I turn to my spirituality and I begin to pray, meditate and ask God and the Angels for help and guidance. And let me tell you, my spirit community came through for a sista! I was able to notice their presence because I was alone and able to tap into that beautiful magic. That magic we all have access to if we only just tap inward. Shortly after I made the decision to have faith and change my emotions from sadness to gratefulness, I quickly noticed signs - tons of them. I scrolled through my Twitter feed and found a link on how to deal with fear and then I listened to an audio book that a friend suggested earlier that gave me some insight on how to focus on what I really want and then I came across a few more motivational videos and then I found out about a spiritual conference happening in my city next month and ended up taking an awesome online class on how to run a spiritual-based business. These were all the keys I needed to help gain clarity on what I truly want to do and actually take action steps towards those goals, hence why I revamped this website and ended up writing this post right here.
So although I did not do the expected, I managed to have one of the most wonderful birthday weekends ever, which may seem a little peculiar to those that are extrovert or who hate to be alone.
Nevertheless, I discovered once again the magic of being alone. You discover new shades of self. You may even create a masterpiece. You may notice thoughts that have affected your actions. You hear that inner voice that has been trying to communicate with you for the longest and is delighted to know that you are finally listening. You face YOU and if that’s not magical then I don’t know what is. So the next time you feel lonely and depressed, take a look inside and find solace within because all the love and support you need is right at your magical fingertips.
Have you ever felt the magic of being alone? If so, when and what was it like? Let's talk about it!
Oh and sidenote, I did celebrate my birthday the following week, thanks to my newfound burst of positive energy! :)