This is dedicated to anyone who has faced the darkest parts of mental illness. You are not alone and you can get through it. Light is always at the end of the tunnel.
I thought about the end.
I thought about the feeling of freedom.
I thought about the discoveries that could be made.
Yes, I thought about the end.
I thought about the feeling of fear,
I thought about the miseries that would be made.
Depression can be a nice drug that drags us to the bottom of our soul. The deeper you go, the less you care. I think the “less you care” is the trippy high we feel while plummeting down to the wonders of the end. The tears try desperately to cleanse the wounded soul but it only ignites a never-ending stream of doubts, pities and self-created inflictions. The bed becomes a best friend that never needs to say anything, just absorbs the pain or tries to at least. Friends and families become a second thought and the only thought you have is “How can I make sense of this?”–whatever “this” is. It could be a person saying you’re ugly for the 11th time; it could be a close loved one transcending into a world of unknowns; it could be a societal expectation that you just could not measure up to; it could be the groundhog feeling of a routine life; it could be last night’s binge session; it could be the discovery of knowing “too much.” Whatever it is, you feel the fear and you wish for the freedom. You sometimes feel you cannot bear the fear and simply search for an answer to be free.
However, before you act out the end, may I make a suggestion?
Think about the end.
Think about the feeling of fear.
Think about all the little fears you will create with your end.
Think about it.
Do you really want to spread your depression around with one act that you cannot undo?
Besides, the end may not be the end and then what?
Think about the end.
Think about the feeling of freedom.
Think about all the discoveries right here on Earth.
You were created for a purpose. You are an inspiration waiting to happen. You can and will build upward from this situation. There are so many that have felt your pain and made a way towards freedom without leaving completely from this realm. You are loved. You are loved. You are loved. You are the creation of love. You are the creation of love. You are the creation of love. You are so powerful beyond measure. This society is so small compared to the vastness of life so please do not let this tiny structure turn you into a vapor in the vastness. You are divine. You may not believe me now but you are. Discover these beliefs while in the womb of Mother.
Yes, I understand.
I was there.
And now I am here.
I am filling my heart with peace.
And you can do the exact same.
No, I am not perfect.
And guess what? None of us are perfect.
Or perhaps, we are perfect the way we are with jagged edges.
We are like a Picasso drawing.
Not everyone will get us.
Their ignorance never diminishes our legacy.
Our spirit is too strong for these minute moments of sorrow.
Feel the feelings and then get up and get on with it.
We can do this. We can live this life. We are living it right now. We knew this before we got here.
In and out.
And look around you.
You created this masterpiece.
Soak in the joys of your magnificence.
And just be.
Because I know you will be alright
and your end will be a sign of peace
rather than a sign of sorrow.
I decided to post this for Talk Tuesday because I wanted to open the floor to you guys and lend some support, love, good vibes! So if anyone wishes to share their story about how they got through their tough times, especially with mental illness, please feel free to share below in the comments! If anyone wishes to just spread love to those that are suffering, please share that too!
And anyone reading this who is contemplating suicide, please know that you are never alone and there is tons of help out there from people who truly care about your well-being. As someone who has been dealing with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, I truly understand the struggle and how deep it can go but if I can pull through the thick fog of depression, then you can too! I truly believe that! You can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 or chat on their website at http://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/. I'm sending so much love to you and again, you are so not alone.