a quick mental check up


I am scared. I am also excited. I guess if you put the two together, it would be translated to anxiety. That makes total sense given my mental disorder. I am starting to wonder if it is a disorder or just a different way of being. I don’t know. Either way, it doesn’t fit the norm so it’s difficult to live with at times. I ruminate on change like an ongoing meditation that hums in my ear whether I want it or not. The chants of change are always nearby and sometimes, I appreciate the choir singing. Sometimes, I don’t. 

I am emotional lately. I’ll cry at the drop of a hat. When I was much younger, that would’ve been unheard of. I typically would bottle every emotion up inside. Fortunately, I learned how to feel after years of therapy. I can’t lie though. All of these tears of pain, sadness, and even joy are overwhelming but welcoming. In a way, they are helping me heal and for that, I am forever grateful. 

I am aware. I’ve been noticing signs, hearing messages that foresee the future and feeling the intuitive nudges forward. This moment reminds me of two years ago when I made a few huge changes in a short period of time. It also reminds me of my spiritual awakening that happened 7 years before that. It’s almost as if I am building the set design for a new scene in my life. I guess me, the character, has to change scenery now in order to move the story along and make it interesting for the Viewer. I like to think God is sitting up in the heavenly clouds watching our lives like we watch YouTube, flipping through channel after channel amazed by our interesting. unique stories and how much they all interconnect to one another. However, unlike us, God is able to play the role of director for all of these mini films and gets to call action and cut at any given moment. That must be one trippy yet dope ass experience. 

Anyway, I thought I would share my current state of mind. Perhaps, some of you can relate to it and wish to state where you are right now at this moment. All up to you to share. Either way, thanks for reading!