treat yourself the way you want to be treated

“Treat others the way you want to be treated” is a classic saying that you have probably heard many times. However, “treat you the way you want to be treated” is not a common saying but just as important.

If you were able to objectively view your inner dialogue with self, what would the conversation be like? Would it be a loving rapport? Would you consider yourself a best friend or a worst enemy? Do you belittle yourself every chance you get? Do you empower yourself sometimes? Do you tell yourself how wonderful you are? Do you say “you’re beautiful” or “good job” or “you’ll get there” or any other positive affirmation that you would normally tell your family or friends?

If you were able to objectively view your actions towards yourself, what would the relationship be like? Are you loving, kind, compassionate, accepting? Do you treat you like royalty? Do you give yourself gifts, take yourself out on fun dates, spend quality time with you? Do you go on nice walks and have great talks with yourself where you understand you so much better? Do you forgive yourself and notice the blessing in the lesson? Do you abuse yourself mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically? Do you care about your emotions and treat them tenderly? Is there a high level of respect in this relationship? Is there unconditional love in this relationship, the kind you truly want in a relationship with others?

How can you expect someone to treat you like gold if you are treating yourself like a piece of coal? Even if another person is trying their hardest to treat you as the priceless human being that you are, there is only so much he or she can do without pushing your own limitations of you.

How can you expect someone to treat you like gold if you are treating yourself like a piece of coal?

There are a number of ways to treat yourself better. Here are three quick ones:

1) Seek a dream of yours and follow through on it. It can be as simple as meditating for one hour per day or as elaborate as publishing your very first song. Whatever the case may be, find one dream of yours, develop a plan and then execute it. Automatically, you will be giving yourself the chance to make a dream into reality and that is the most surreal feeling in the world once you see it in fruition. It will boost your self-worth tremendously.

2) Be nice to yourself. Whenever a negative thought about you comes to mind, try to stop it midway and think of a positive one. For instance, as soon as you think of a physical trait that you view in a negative light, find a physical trait that you do find attractive. This may take some time to get used to but mindfulness brings many opportunities to be more kind to yourself and confidence will build as a result.

3) Take yourself out sometimes. You, yes you, DESERVE time for yourself! Celebrate you. Get out your favorite outfit and paint the town red with love! Go to your favorite restaurant; buy that book you were eyeing; go to the festival that features your favorite artist. Hell, if you can, make a day all about you! Go to the spa. Go to the movies. As one of my favorite YouTubers, Shameless Maya, says, “Do you, boo!”

So yes, the classic saying is classic for a reason but please remember that the way you treat you is just as important because if you feel good about you then you will, of course, want everyone else to feel good with you so go on and make this saying a new classic in your life “Treat you the way you want to be treated.”

What are some more ways you treat yourself? Please share and let's uplift each other! 

what's that on your neck? oh just a tracheostomy

You can say I didn't have the typical entrance into the world. I was scheduled to say hi to Mother Earth in November but my anxious ass decided that I wanted to come out during Leo season in August. (No offense to Scorpios, I represent via my ascending sign 😉) Anywho, I was one hell of a premie which caused some complications to say the least. I couldn't breathe that well and so the doctors had to do an emergency surgery and bless me with a tracheostomy. If you are like, what's that? Well, I'll have Mayo Clinic help you out.

Tracheostomy (tray-key-OS-tuh-me) is a surgically created hole through the front of your neck and into your windpipe (trachea). The term for the surgical procedure to create this opening is tracheotomy.

A tracheostomy provides an air passage to help you breathe when the usual route for breathing is somehow obstructed or impaired. A tracheostomy is often needed when health problems require long-term use of a machine (ventilator) to help you breathe. In rare cases, an emergency tracheotomy is performed when your airway is suddenly blocked, such as after a traumatic injury to your face or neck.

When a tracheostomy is no longer needed, it's allowed to heal shut or is surgically closed. For some people, a tracheostomy is permanent. Source)

With such a major surgery, you could view this as a rather traumatic way to be born and I'm sure there's some truth to it but I'd like to look at it as more so an interesting unique story to share with folks who are curious about my indentation on my neck.

I also have some cool memories of my time in and out of the hospital for the first years of my life. Two of them, of course, relate to food. What can I say? I guess my greedy ass was just born this way. Anyway, I remember one of the nurses sneaking me chocolate pudding in the middle of night, and being so excited about it in the dimly lit room. I also remember hanging out with my medical staff and being asked if I've ever tried corn flakes. I've never had them but I was always curious about what they tasted like when I saw the constant commercials on TV. So once the opportunity came to try them, I was ready and guess what? I was absolutely no fan. The last memory is unique from the other two. I remember being scared when all the doctors and nurses surrounded me with their masks and then waking up in a totally new space, puzzled by what just happened. Anesthesia was a foreign concept at that point.

So my little tracheostomy is a wonderful reminder of how blessed I am to be alive and how wonderful my family - blood-related and medically-unrelated truly is to have worked so hard for my life. I will always be grateful.

I'm sharing this story because I just want all of us to embrace our differences and realize just how beautiful our uniqueness truly is when we engage and learn more about our scars!

that moment when you realize you and j. cole share the same controversial view of god

"See I believe if God is real, he'll never judge a manBecause he knows us all and therefore he would understand"

That's just a couple bars from J. Cole's latest album - 4 Your Eyez Only and I must say they are my favorite lines on the entire album. If you are a fan of his then you know he got plenty of bars to choose from but these few lyrics really resonate with me, not only because it is featured on one of my favorite songs, Change but also due to its deeper meaning. And when I heard this record for the first time, I realized that J. Cole and I share a very similar, if not the same, controversial view of God.

You see, there is a duality with everything in life. There's black and white, big and small, male and female, love and fear and I could go on and on with simple examples but I'm sure you get my point. There's even a duality with how we view God. Some people, who usually follow certain religious practices, view God as a vengeful being who will damn people to hell if they do not follow a certain righteous path. Others, like myself and J. Cole, believe in a more accepting God that loves unconditionally and would never judge any of his/her creation because he/she knows and understands all, even if we, mere mortals, have no idea why a person would do such a horrific action towards another. Granted, there is a lot of gray area in the middle but the majority of people have a tendency to lean towards one extreme or another. For J. Cole, he leans towards the second view of God, which ironically, is the more controversial belief in our society because it goes against many religious doctrines. In his new Eyez Documentary, that shows the making of his newest LP, Cole shows his strong alignment with this way of thinking, when someone tells him a crazy true story about a young man who, after a major blowup with his family, commits an unfathomable crime.

As you can see from the video clip, he truly follows the latter perspective of God, making him able to shift the scope, even in this extreme case, from the murderer being deemed as a "bad kid" to a "good kid" at heart who went down the wrong path due to issues and other major mishaps.  In addition, he believes everyone should really view others from this vantage point, no matter their race, which shows great compassion and unconditional love towards humanity. I also wouldn't be surprised, if this empathy stems from witnessing so many men and women who look like him being mistreated and prejudged due to a false narrative of being "bad" when really the narrative should've been about the institutional oppression that happens while being Black. If you think about it, this viewpoint could influence a positive shift in police brutality,  the prison system and mental health awareness. However, all of these drastic changes would have to start at the root - the Spirit and that may be the hardest aspect to change, leading us into a never-ending debate that will never get resolved anytime soon.

So in the meantime, I'll turn up J. Cole's song and remember that "Life is all about the evolution" and keep being open to the many layers of God, the Universe and what it all means, which leads me to you guys. Let's have a conversation about this. 

What are your thoughts on this duality with God? Is it possible to see a gray area? And how do you feel about J. Cole and I's stance on it all? Let's talk about it!