A Personal Note About Mental Health

“...the demons that you’ve been dreaming up are angels under the pain...”

— James Fauntleroy

Sometimes, sunny days are the toughest for me. I let the sun rays peek through the blinds, may even crack the window and allow some fresh air to come in to my room. However, now and then, I am too depressed to be engulfed in its luminance. It’s strange, really. The sun is supposed to raise vibrations and here I am, feeling insecure around its presence. I snuggle in the bed longer. I step outside of my 4-wall confines only when it’s absolutely necessary. I would prefer no one to see me, to notice me, to look into my telling eyes. Essentially, I want no one to know the pain I am holding deep inside because I'd never want to burden anyone. Also, at times, there is no rhyme or reason behind my emotions. They just exist inside of me and there's no easy way to get rid of them. They just live and the most loving thing I can do is allow them to breathe in the moment.

I wish I could logically explain anxiety and depression in words for everyone to understand. I can’t. At least, not right now. I am in the middle of one of those days...one of those super quiet days when raw emotions speak loudest. It’s rough but I can handle it. I’ve been here before plenty of times and have pulled through. 

I will pull through. 

And you will too. 

Those of us who deal with mental illness are some of the most sensitive, beautiful human beings you can ever meet. I say this from a very humble place. We feel so boldly, so brilliantly that it’s hard for folks to handle - shit, it’s hard for us to handle. We are the bearers of the brokenness in this world and we hold the painful pieces in our hands delicately, hoping we don’t flounder them away into the abyss. Sadly, some of us do. And, we are reminded on how deeply those thoughts can go and pray that we are able to grasp the support that eludes us during those critical moments, trying our hardest to remember why we agreed to be here at this present time. We don’t know what 'normal' is and wonder if anyone truly upholds that title. Does it even exist? We don’t know because that’s not our experience. Nevertheless, if you think about it, our inner life is like a masterpiece with so many rich and muted colors swirling around in an abstract painting - I bet someone like Basquiat tried his hardest to express this in literal form. 

To anyone out there who is going through any kind of mental health issue, please know your life is one of the most touching pieces God has ever produced and the constant swings downward are just as magnificent as the pleasant swings upward. That movement back and forth brings us closer to the essence of humanity and solidifies a sense of empathy for all, consciously and subconsciously.  Whether you're swinging at an extreme speed or at a relatively steady pace, I pray that you please don’t stop swinging. Keep going. Keep digging your inner tunnel until you see light within and shine that little light as much as possible. The world needs it. We need you. Perhaps, one day the swing won't be pushed so hard and the motion will get to the point where we don't even realize we are swinging at all. What a day that would be. Until then, please remember...

You will pull through, my friend. 

And I will too. 

treat yourself the way you want to be treated

“Treat others the way you want to be treated” is a classic saying that you have probably heard many times. However, “treat you the way you want to be treated” is not a common saying but just as important.

If you were able to objectively view your inner dialogue with self, what would the conversation be like? Would it be a loving rapport? Would you consider yourself a best friend or a worst enemy? Do you belittle yourself every chance you get? Do you empower yourself sometimes? Do you tell yourself how wonderful you are? Do you say “you’re beautiful” or “good job” or “you’ll get there” or any other positive affirmation that you would normally tell your family or friends?

If you were able to objectively view your actions towards yourself, what would the relationship be like? Are you loving, kind, compassionate, accepting? Do you treat you like royalty? Do you give yourself gifts, take yourself out on fun dates, spend quality time with you? Do you go on nice walks and have great talks with yourself where you understand you so much better? Do you forgive yourself and notice the blessing in the lesson? Do you abuse yourself mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically? Do you care about your emotions and treat them tenderly? Is there a high level of respect in this relationship? Is there unconditional love in this relationship, the kind you truly want in a relationship with others?

How can you expect someone to treat you like gold if you are treating yourself like a piece of coal? Even if another person is trying their hardest to treat you as the priceless human being that you are, there is only so much he or she can do without pushing your own limitations of you.

How can you expect someone to treat you like gold if you are treating yourself like a piece of coal?

There are a number of ways to treat yourself better. Here are three quick ones:

1) Seek a dream of yours and follow through on it. It can be as simple as meditating for one hour per day or as elaborate as publishing your very first song. Whatever the case may be, find one dream of yours, develop a plan and then execute it. Automatically, you will be giving yourself the chance to make a dream into reality and that is the most surreal feeling in the world once you see it in fruition. It will boost your self-worth tremendously.

2) Be nice to yourself. Whenever a negative thought about you comes to mind, try to stop it midway and think of a positive one. For instance, as soon as you think of a physical trait that you view in a negative light, find a physical trait that you do find attractive. This may take some time to get used to but mindfulness brings many opportunities to be more kind to yourself and confidence will build as a result.

3) Take yourself out sometimes. You, yes you, DESERVE time for yourself! Celebrate you. Get out your favorite outfit and paint the town red with love! Go to your favorite restaurant; buy that book you were eyeing; go to the festival that features your favorite artist. Hell, if you can, make a day all about you! Go to the spa. Go to the movies. As one of my favorite YouTubers, Shameless Maya, says, “Do you, boo!”

So yes, the classic saying is classic for a reason but please remember that the way you treat you is just as important because if you feel good about you then you will, of course, want everyone else to feel good with you so go on and make this saying a new classic in your life “Treat you the way you want to be treated.”

What are some more ways you treat yourself? Please share and let's uplift each other!