desert
pardon my thirst
for I am quite parched
I have been walking along
The endless space of tiny grains
And the sweat has been the only liquid
My walk has slowed, my patience has lessened
And I see a drop from you but it’s not close enough
So if I appear frustrated or too eager, it’s due to your unknowing tease
With the possibility of finally quenching my perennial thirst
“...the demons that you’ve been dreaming up are angels under the pain...”
Sometimes, sunny days are the toughest for me. I let the sun rays peek through the blinds, may even crack the window and allow some fresh air to come in to my room. However, now and then, I am too depressed to be engulfed in its luminance. It’s strange, really. The sun is supposed to raise vibrations and here I am, feeling insecure around its presence. I snuggle in the bed longer. I step outside of my 4-wall confines only when it’s absolutely necessary. I would prefer no one to see me, to notice me, to look into my telling eyes. Essentially, I want no one to know the pain I am holding deep inside because I'd never want to burden anyone. Also, at times, there is no rhyme or reason behind my emotions. They just exist inside of me and there's no easy way to get rid of them. They just live and the most loving thing I can do is allow them to breathe in the moment.
I wish I could logically explain anxiety and depression in words for everyone to understand. I can’t. At least, not right now. I am in the middle of one of those days...one of those super quiet days when raw emotions speak loudest. It’s rough but I can handle it. I’ve been here before plenty of times and have pulled through.
I will pull through.
And you will too.
Those of us who deal with mental illness are some of the most sensitive, beautiful human beings you can ever meet. I say this from a very humble place. We feel so boldly, so brilliantly that it’s hard for folks to handle - shit, it’s hard for us to handle. We are the bearers of the brokenness in this world and we hold the painful pieces in our hands delicately, hoping we don’t flounder them away into the abyss. Sadly, some of us do. And, we are reminded on how deeply those thoughts can go and pray that we are able to grasp the support that eludes us during those critical moments, trying our hardest to remember why we agreed to be here at this present time. We don’t know what 'normal' is and wonder if anyone truly upholds that title. Does it even exist? We don’t know because that’s not our experience. Nevertheless, if you think about it, our inner life is like a masterpiece with so many rich and muted colors swirling around in an abstract painting - I bet someone like Basquiat tried his hardest to express this in literal form.
To anyone out there who is going through any kind of mental health issue, please know your life is one of the most touching pieces God has ever produced and the constant swings downward are just as magnificent as the pleasant swings upward. That movement back and forth brings us closer to the essence of humanity and solidifies a sense of empathy for all, consciously and subconsciously. Whether you're swinging at an extreme speed or at a relatively steady pace, I pray that you please don’t stop swinging. Keep going. Keep digging your inner tunnel until you see light within and shine that little light as much as possible. The world needs it. We need you. Perhaps, one day the swing won't be pushed so hard and the motion will get to the point where we don't even realize we are swinging at all. What a day that would be. Until then, please remember...
You will pull through, my friend.
And I will too.
Unconditioned Note
Ultimately I want you to be at peace
Peace is not perfect
So I would never expect you to be
Any imagined ideal in a childhood fantasy
Ultimately, I want you to be free
Free is not confined to fear
So I would never expect you to follow
Any insecure boundaries of tomorrow
Ultimately, I want you to be loved
Love is unconditional
So I would never expect you to embrace
Conditions based on what society creates
Ultimately, I want you to be
being is magnificent
so I would never expect you to be
anything else
Happy Valentine's Day lovers! I pray you guys have the most romantic day ever. I really do. No bullshit. I already hooked you guys up yesterday with some sweet sounds from the one and only Mr. Brian McKnight so y'all good. Now, I got to spend some time showing love to my fellow super single folks. You know, this day ain't so bad. We get to scratch our asses whenever we'd like; we get to buy ourselves whatever we want; we get to netflix and chill by ourselves and we get to wear our favorite comfortable PJs tonight. It sounds like a great Valentine's Day night if you ask me or is this another sign that I am super single as fuck? Maybe. Speaking of which, here are 5 definite signs you are actually super single as fuck too. Enjoy!
1. Everyone gets a little more attractive. Who needs liquor when you have a dry spell for much longer than you care to admit? The struggle can be real which makes your eyes a little less discerning when it comes to looks and makes your mind less demanding when it comes to other qualities that you would've deemed as deal breakers in the past. Hey, it may sound wrong but it's true so if you find yourself with tipsy shades 24/7, then you, my friend, is super single as fuck.
2. The empty side of your bed and passenger car seat is filled with stuff. Have you ever laid in bed and noticed your purse is snuggling right beside you along with some additional random items like a pair of pants and mail? Or your passenger seat looks like an episode of hoarders? Yup? Well, you are 9 times out of 10 super single as fuck.
3. You have absolutely nothing sexy in your closet. You pick cozy over cute. Why purchase anything silky when cotton is so much more comfy!? In fact, your cutest piece of "lingerie" is your grandma high-waisted drawers with the strawberries on it. Hey, some guy may dig it! In the meantime, you'll probably be super single as fuck.
4. You are totally oblivious to flirting. An attractive guy walks up to you, smiles, asks you 21 questions, maintains eye contact, jokes with you and you? Well, you answer all the questions, look away after each one and chuckle slightly when he jokes. You're too busy thinking about what great meal you're going to have when you leave. Damn shame when dinner could've been on him or hell, dinner could've just been him. However, you are super single as fuck so you don't even notice all the signs of interest at all. I bet your friends tell you when someone is interested in you more so than your own brain.
5. You get a pet cat and treat Mr. Snickers like your only child. I don't think I need to say anything more than that.
So what are some other signs you can think of? Also, are you super single as fuck and loving it? Let me know below so we can share some laughs on this lovely day.
"See I believe if God is real, he'll never judge a manBecause he knows us all and therefore he would understand"
That's just a couple bars from J. Cole's latest album - 4 Your Eyez Only and I must say they are my favorite lines on the entire album. If you are a fan of his then you know he got plenty of bars to choose from but these few lyrics really resonate with me, not only because it is featured on one of my favorite songs, Change but also due to its deeper meaning. And when I heard this record for the first time, I realized that J. Cole and I share a very similar, if not the same, controversial view of God.
You see, there is a duality with everything in life. There's black and white, big and small, male and female, love and fear and I could go on and on with simple examples but I'm sure you get my point. There's even a duality with how we view God. Some people, who usually follow certain religious practices, view God as a vengeful being who will damn people to hell if they do not follow a certain righteous path. Others, like myself and J. Cole, believe in a more accepting God that loves unconditionally and would never judge any of his/her creation because he/she knows and understands all, even if we, mere mortals, have no idea why a person would do such a horrific action towards another. Granted, there is a lot of gray area in the middle but the majority of people have a tendency to lean towards one extreme or another. For J. Cole, he leans towards the second view of God, which ironically, is the more controversial belief in our society because it goes against many religious doctrines. In his new Eyez Documentary, that shows the making of his newest LP, Cole shows his strong alignment with this way of thinking, when someone tells him a crazy true story about a young man who, after a major blowup with his family, commits an unfathomable crime.
As you can see from the video clip, he truly follows the latter perspective of God, making him able to shift the scope, even in this extreme case, from the murderer being deemed as a "bad kid" to a "good kid" at heart who went down the wrong path due to issues and other major mishaps. In addition, he believes everyone should really view others from this vantage point, no matter their race, which shows great compassion and unconditional love towards humanity. I also wouldn't be surprised, if this empathy stems from witnessing so many men and women who look like him being mistreated and prejudged due to a false narrative of being "bad" when really the narrative should've been about the institutional oppression that happens while being Black. If you think about it, this viewpoint could influence a positive shift in police brutality, the prison system and mental health awareness. However, all of these drastic changes would have to start at the root - the Spirit and that may be the hardest aspect to change, leading us into a never-ending debate that will never get resolved anytime soon.
So in the meantime, I'll turn up J. Cole's song and remember that "Life is all about the evolution" and keep being open to the many layers of God, the Universe and what it all means, which leads me to you guys. Let's have a conversation about this.
What are your thoughts on this duality with God? Is it possible to see a gray area? And how do you feel about J. Cole and I's stance on it all? Let's talk about it!
Media operates on fear.
Not us.
Media breaks people apart.
Not us.
Media tries to stop folks from elevating.
Not us.
Look around you, my friend. That's real life.
The screens may fool you.
Don't let the mess consume you.
Don't allow the programs to control your mind.
Let it motivate you to become greater than ever before.
Let it move you towards love even more.
Let it inspire you to create something magical.
Let it push you into empowerment.
Let it guide you towards solutions.
Let it energize you towards education.
Let it center you in mindfulness.
Let it bring you to stillness.
Let it encourage you to be in community.
You want to stop the fear right?
You want to win the spiritual warfare right?
Then get inside your Universe and align your own stars.
Be the light at the end of our dark tunnel.
Be the love in the middle of brokenness.
Love is the silent revolution we've been waiting for.
Be one of the soldiers of love.
And just love.
